


sink me in the river at dawn

by nex_et_nox



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Alternate Universe - Merpeople, MerMay, Other, juno is also technically an alien but he gets kind of annoyed when people bring it up, yes juno is a mermaid living on a desert planet what's your point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:54:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24139933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nex_et_nox/pseuds/nex_et_nox
Summary: Most of the time, Juno rolls his eyes at the mods people get done. He doesn’t understand the point of them. Cass once tried to point out the hypocrisy of this to him. Juno ignored her.No matter what he lets anyone else think, Juno doesn't have any mods. He was born this way.But, then again, several generations ago his ancestors moved to Mars from Europa. Not many humans know why that matters.[Juno is a mermaid. This doesn't change as much of his life as you might think.]
Relationships: Peter Nureyev & Juno Steel, Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, Rita & Juno Steel
Comments: 25
Kudos: 267





	sink me in the river at dawn

**Author's Note:**

> *yeets this onto AO3* no proofreading we die like men
> 
> happy mermay everyone
> 
> title from “If I Die Young” by The Band Perry

Humans are spread out all throughout the solar system by now. Throughout the galaxy. Every day, they're reaching further, going farther. They don't only push the boundaries of science and technology, they push the boundaries of what they can do to themselves. There are all sorts of mods out there, ones people genegineer into themselves and their kids, or gain via surgery – usually only the rich do that, because you need money for the impressive mods.

Most of the time, Juno rolls his eyes at the mods people get done. He doesn’t understand the point of them. Cass once tried to point out the hypocrisy of this to him. Juno ignored her.

No matter what he lets anyone else think, Juno doesn't have any mods. He was born this way.

But, then again, several generations ago his ancestors moved to Mars from Europa. Not many humans know why that matters. 

* * *

Juno brushes past Glass, keys clenched in his hand. He doesn't need help on this case. He doesn't _want_ it. 

He still sniffs Glass on his way past. The man's eyes looked human standard – unlike Juno, who only has the thinnest rim of white around his irises at the best of times – but his teeth...

Juno doesn't smell any scales. All he catches is the man's spiced scent. 

The teeth must be a mod. Juno quashes any disappointment he might feel. 

* * *

Juno has faint memories of a bathtub, back when he and Ben were really little. He remembers they would spend hours in it. It must have seemed so big because they were so little; the apartment they lived in growing up had one tiny tub.

When they were still small enough, Juno and Ben could squeeze into that tub together, face to fins, curling their tails around each other's heads to act as headrests while they flicked water at each other.

As they got older, they took turns standing guard outside in case Sarah –

In case of Sarah. 

Sometimes they read books and dreamed of the lakes, rivers, oceans. Endless waters where they could dive deep and go down, down, down into the black. 

There is no water on Mars. Not outside of what humans make for themselves, carefully contained in the domes. 

Juno always triple checks the lock on his bathroom door whenever he takes baths. Ben and Sarah are years dead, but some habits are hard to break. 

* * *

"Hey, anyone ever tell you you gotta nice smell?" Juno asks, after Glass has helped him down to the ground much more gently than Juno would have gotten there himself. "What's a guy gotta eat to smell like that?" 

Even this close, Juno still can't pick up any scent of scales. The man is _definitely_ human. That spiced scent hasn't faded, though. Juno wonders if that, too, is some kind of mod. It's not like he goes around sniffing people that often, but – Glass smells _really nice._ Better than most people Juno hangs around. 

(Rita always smells like her salmon snacks. The fishy scent would almost make Juno hungry, but it smells just fake enough that it turns his stomach instead. 

Juno doesn't get to eat fish often. Too expensive. He makes do with cloned red meats, or he drinks until he stops wanting to be able to bite into something.)

"It's...cologne, Detective," Glass says. 

"Huh," Juno says. He says something else, but his head is swimming. He tries to focus on Glass' scent instead of the coppery smell of his own blood. 

It's one of life's funny jokes that Juno's a carnivore who can't stand the smell or sight of blood. 

* * *

Juno spends a lot of time down in the sewers as a kid, and then as a teenager. It's – nice. He doesn't bother carrying any flashlights with him; he doesn't need them. The first time Mick shone a light in his face after dark, he screamed bloody murder. Apparently humans don't have eyes that reflect light. Fortunately, it was easy to convince him not to worry about it. And to not mention it to Sasha. 

Sasha finds out about it on her own, of course, but at least she has the decency not to pressure Juno for answers he doesn't want to give. Or scream, _Mick._

Juno loves going down into the sewers after it's rained. Occasionally he drags Ben down there with him. It's not quite the rivers they dreamed of, but it's close enough. They chase each other through the raging water, wandering through the maze of pipes and not bothering to come up for air. That's why they have gills _and_ lungs. They're built for both. 

They're not alone down there, of course. The rabbits also haunt the sewers. Juno's good at convincing the rabbits to help him or at the very least leave him alone, because he's figured out how they work. When he doesn't want to deal with rabbits, when he just wants to hide away from everything – it doesn't hurt that they smell _predator_ and back away. 

If there were a steady supply of food down there – other than the rabbits, which Juno would feel too guilty to eat – Juno might never leave the sewers. 

* * *

Juno comes back from Ingrid Lake's _wonderful_ party and doesn't have to turn on the lights before his surprised gaze flicks to Nureyev, sitting prettily on his couch. In his _locked apartment._

Nureyev opens his mouth—

"What are you doing here, Nureyev?" Juno asks. He turns on the lights. 

Nureyev actually looks startled. "The eyes aren't cosmetic, then," he says, interested, before obviously putting his curiosity aside. "I came to pick you up. We're leaving immediately." 

"Why would I go anywhere with you?" Juno asks. 

"Because you asked for me," Nureyev says lightly. "By way of one Valles Vicky." 

Juno groans and resigns himself to a sleepless night. 

* * *

It's not like Juno _has_ to shift. He could live his whole life walking around on two legs, if he really wanted to. It's just – it itches, almost, when he spends too much time on two legs. He misses his tail, misses the scales trailing down his spine and the webs between his fingers, misses filling his lungs as far as they'll go and sinking under the water for fifteen minutes at a time, misses the small modicum of peace he can pull from it all. 

Water doesn't force the shift. All it does is make it more tempting. Juno can shift anywhere and anytime he wants, but water makes it so much more appealing. He holds himself tight when he walks through rain, makes himself breathe steadily during showers to remind himself that he _shouldn't_ hold his breath or try to breathe through gills. 

He's learned, through lots of experience, that it's harder to hold onto legs when he's injured and around (or especially in) water. His concentration wavers, and all he wants is to slip under. 

Juno's had plenty of practice keeping himself steady. 

* * *

"Mind not smoking? I have sensitive lungs," Juno says to Valencia. It's true enough. Humans don't pull as much air as he does in a single breath; when someone smokes, more of it ends up in Juno than it would a human. 

He also doesn't like the smell. 

Juno ends up holding his breath most of the card game. He desperately pulls in a few breaths of clean air when he and Nureyev take their break, and then Juno snaps Valencia's pipe in half. He might be a little vindictive as he grinds the broken pieces of it under his heel. 

Later, on the Utgard Express, he pulls the same trick. Pretends that the gas has effected him, like he hadn't filled his lungs with as much oxygen as he'd needed before he'd ever shot at the gas container. Having to speak to Valencia makes him use up some of his precious oxygen, getting him closer to the danger zone than he would like, but in the end, Juno walks out of that room. Valencia doesn't. 

Nureyev and Juno make their escape. 

It doesn't go well. 

* * *

Juno could do research on Europa if he wanted, except it's not like he's ever going to go there. He will live and die on this desert planet; why bother looking further into where his ancestors came from? It’s an icy ocean. There, that's all he needs to know. 

He knows more about Mars. _Mars_ is his planet, not some moon of Jupiter that he's never been to. 

(It's kind of funny, though, isn't it? Funny that his ancestors ever ended up on Mars. Earth, he understands. At least Earth has oceans. There's a reason why there are sailor's tales of folk from Europa. 

Mars, though? He wonders why anyone ever bothered. 

Then he wonders if the reason that any of them went anywhere is because they wanted companionship. Because they wanted to be among other people from their solar system, wanted to get to know their neighbors.

It must have been so disappointing when they realized the Ancient Martians were all dead.)

* * *

_Two legs, two legs, two legs,_ Juno thinks to himself on repeats. Commands himself. _You have to keep to two legs._

There's hardly any water. There's blood everywhere, constantly, sliding slick down Juno's face. 

He wants to tear out Miasma's throat. Wants to slam his tail against her old bones and break every single one of them. Wants –

Wants a lot of things. 

He'll settle for Nureyev not screaming. 

* * *

Juno has never told anyone what he is. Not even Mick or Sasha. He's thought about it. He's thought about it a lot. But if he tells someone and something goes wrong, if he tells the wrong person, if anyone slips up – it's not just him in danger. 

He can't put Benzaiten in that kind of danger.

Then Benten's gone, and it doesn't matter anymore. 

Juno still doesn't tell anyone. 

* * *

Nureyev comes back for him. The bomb goes off. Juno feels it wash over him, tickling lightly, and for one lightning moment he involuntarily shifts from legs to tail and back. Then Nureyev is in the room and Juno holds to his two legs as hard as he can. 

If Nureyev has to drag him out of here, there's no way they're getting out, Juno tells himself. That's why he's holding so tightly to legs. At least that way he'll be able to help stagger up and out. 

That’s the only reason why, Juno lies to himself.

Later, Juno stands in that hotel room in the dark. He traces Nureyev's features with his gaze one last time before he leaves. 

He thinks if there was anyone he was going to tell of his own volition, it would have been Nureyev. 

* * *

Juno doesn't tell Rita. She finds out. She's good at that – but this one is wholly on Juno. 

It's been a bad day. Night. Week, if he's being honest. It's raining, so Juno is soaked to the bone, caught out in the storm while he dragged himself home. The client's spouse was rather offended by Juno's – everything. Juno gave as good as he got, but he has a concussion and his ribs groan with every step he takes. Juno is fortunate he doesn't need to breathe as often as humans do, because it _hurts._

Rita helps Juno up to his apartment because she's a good person. She heard the fight and came to collect him before he was halfway home. 

They've known each other nearly a decade by then. Juno blames that – and the concussion – for the way that he slips. 

Rita lays towels down on the couch for him, helps him settle himself down, goes off to grab something to wrap his ribs, and Juno – Juno doesn't think. He just...lets go. 

This would be more comfortable if he were in the water. Juno should have waited until he could draw himself a bath. The damp isn't as uncomfortable like this, though, so he flicks his tail up on the other side of the couch and lays himself down, despite the pain to his ribs this causes. He's tired. 

"Mistah _Steel,_ " Rita says from behind the couch. "We gotta wrap your ribs! You can't lie down yet—" She rounds the couch and stutters to a stop. Juno, whose eyes had closed, slits them half open and glares at her. 

"'m tired," he gets out. Or something along those lines. 

"We still need to wrap your ribs, Boss," Rita says. 

Juno allows himself to be sat back up, to have his ribs taken care of, and then settles himself back down. Rita tucks a blanket over him and promises to wake him up every few hours. 

Juno doesn't realize what's wrong with this situation until well into the next day. 

"So," Rita says, when she notices Juno freeze at the sight of Rita in the room and his secrets exposed at the same time. "How long have you had a tail, Boss?" 

* * *

After Miasma, after Nureyev and the hotel, Juno goes back to his apartment. He draws a bath. He sinks down in it, shifting for the first time in weeks. He holds his breath, ducking beneath the water.

He wishes he didn't have to come back up. 

* * *

Things are – different between Rita and Juno, after she finds out. 'Easier' isn't quite the word, although there is a weight off of Juno. There's one less thing he has to keep hidden from Rita. And this was a big secret, one that he'd had to keep clamped down his whole life. He hadn't exactly chosen to tell Rita—

But concussion or not, the fact that he'd been comfortable enough to shift in front of her in the first place said a lot.

Rita is decent at not asking questions. She's obviously burning with curiosity, but she's willing to accept what Juno will parcel out to her. When Juno doesn't want to explain any further, she lets it drop.

She starts watching a lot more streams about merfolk in her own time, though. 

Juno places a blanket ban on them for the first six months of their stream nights after she finds out. There's only so much he can put up with, after all. 

* * *

Months pass. Juno works cases, albeit not very well. Juno throws his lot in with a politician. 

Juno learns why this is a bad idea. 

Juno walks out into the desert. 

Juno’s life really is one giant cosmic joke. He always knew he was going to die away from the water, away from everything that he'd been built for. It figures.

It just figures. 

* * *

Juno shifts more in front of Rita. Not often; it's always more comfortable to shift in water. But if he slips, he doesn't force himself to immediately shift back to two legs. During stream nights, when he's relaxed as he gets, is where it happens. The old, familiar wrapping of his tail around another person. 

The first time he realizes what he's done, he flinches. Shifts to two legs, shoves himself to his own side of the couch. Rita tries not to look too disappointed, pretending to still be focused on her stream. Juno curls in on himself and swears it won't happen again. 

It does. 

* * *

Juno has never felt so dried out in his _life._ Not even the Martian tomb has effected him like this. Merfolk aren't meant to live in an irradiated desert. 

He almost takes up the Big Guy's offer of a drink just so he can pour it over his head. He wants to dive into the sewers and not come up for weeks. 

Juno follows the Big Guy, meets Buddy Aurinko, gets stabbed by Vespa, helps them reunite, and _does not cry over their reunion._

Then the Big Guy follows through on his side of the deal. He takes Juno to Hanataba's clinic, and Juno—

Juno sees Benzaiten. 

They're in their old apartment, standing on two legs. Juno blinks, and he sees Benzaiten as he was, scales trailing down his throat and a dangerous smile that somehow had always seemed softer on him than Juno, even if they had the same face. 

"Benten," Juno gasps. Juno hugs him. 

Juno never wants to let go. 

He has to, in the end. 

There are still things Juno has to do. He can't stay here with Ben. He can't die yet. 

For once, finally, Juno wants to _live_. 

* * *

Rita has forbidden Juno to look while she does their nails, claiming it would ruin the surprise. Juno lies on his side, tail curled so that Rita can lean against it, his hands resting in her lap. She's put on a stream about alien conspiracies that Juno keeps his head tilted to watch. 

"This is the worst," Juno groans. "There's no way anyone actually believes this, right?" 

"Well, I think it's pretty convincing, Boss!" Rita says. 

"Rita, the only evidence for aliens is Ancient Martians, and they're all dead," Juno says. 

Rita pauses. There is a long silence. Despite her command, Juno turns to look at her. 

Rita looks pointedly at Juno's tail. "Mistah Steel," she says, very patiently. " _You're_ an alien."

"Wha – well, _you're_ an alien, too!" Juno says. "Humans aren't from Mars!" 

"Sure, but we're the ones who colonized it," Rita shrugs. 

"How do you know we didn't come here first?" Juno demands. "Or at the same time?"

"I don't," Rita says. She grins. "But that's not the point. You ain't human, Mistah Steel, so if these nice folks are looking for an alien, as in, sentient life that evolved on a different planet—"

Juno smashes a pillow over his face. 

" _Boss,_ your _nails_!" Rita yells. Juno freezes. Rita tugs his hands back toward her. "Doesn't look like they got smudged too bad, I can fix this..." 

Well, at least with the pillow over his face he doesn't have to watch the stream. Nor can he give into temptation and disobey Rita before she's ready to show off her masterpiece. 

When Juno is finally given the all-clear, he looks down to see his nails – claws in this form, really – have been painted the same colors as his scales. Rita has even added some tiny silver detailing, giving his nails the impression of actually _being_ scales instead of simply sticking with the color gradient. 

"Oh," Juno says, breathless in a way that he rarely is. "They're...beautiful."

"Look, we match!" Rita says, brandishing her own nails, Juno's scales painted over her fingertips. 

Juno doesn't hug her, but his tail coils tight around her. 

"Thanks, Rita," Juno says softly. 

* * *

Rita's tub is larger than Juno's. She doesn't let him go back to his apartment after the debacle in Newtown and Juno's release from the hospital; she doubts, probably accurately, that Juno would take care of himself well enough on his own. Juno should probably find this insulting, but – it's been a long month. And by God is it nice to be shoved into Rita's bathroom and told to _relax._

Injuries carry over between shapes, but Juno is content to enjoy the bliss of being underwater. He nearly falls asleep, lulled by the warmth and the assurance that he is safe here. 

He eventually goes back to his apartment, of course. He and Rita try to work on the THEIA and Newtown case, but they're blocked at every angle. 

Juno has the only hard evidence of what happened. He's not going to turn it over to anyone. Their reports disappeared into the PI Registry and the millions of THEIA Souls in Newtown also disappeared; if he gives up his Soul to anyone, they won't be getting it back. 

Juno isn't sure what to do with himself. Keeping track of Newtown, trying to run down those behind the THEIA Souls – Juno hadn't recognized it in the moment, but it was the last of his work as a PI. Now that he's given up on the case, he isn't sure where to go. What to do. 

He doesn't want to keep doing this. He just isn't sure what else there is.

Juno slides the Soul into his safe. His hand bumps against the comm in there, the one Juno had almost forgotten. 

_Oh,_ Juno thinks. 

* * *

Juno never told Diamond. It's definitely information you should tell the person you're going to marry, but Juno...doesn't. He trusts them, he swears. He loves them. 

He just can't bring himself to tell them. 

And then—

Juno supposes it's a good thing he'd never managed to spit out that secret. 

* * *

Nureyev is introduced as Peter Ransom. Juno can't help the way he pulls in a short, sharp gasp at it. Nureyev finally looks fully at him for the first time since Juno and Rita arrived, gauging Juno's reaction. 

_He didn't expect me to know,_ Juno thinks. He is suddenly, disconcertedly aware that they never spoke about what happened before Nureyev escaped the tomb. Juno _assumed_ he knew, but – could Nureyev feel Juno in his mind? Juno had backed away from Nureyev without explanation, so the thief had invited him into his mind, had told him to find whatever he needed to trust him.

Juno had. And then Juno had walked away from him in the middle of the night. 

They...they need to talk. There are some things Nureyev should know. The first, and most important of which, is just how sorry Juno is. 

He doesn't know if Nureyev will ever forgive him. 

He has to at least _try_. 

* * *

Juno stops visiting the sewers after Benzaiten dies. They're too full of memories. There's too much pain. He's out of Oldtown, but the storm sewers connect all throughout the city, and there's not much difference between here and there beneath Hyperion. He could avoid the Oldtown sections of the sewers and still never escape the memories. 

He uses the sewers to sneak into Newtown. After the THEIA Tower is destroyed, he waits for a heavy rainstorm. He goes into the sewers and shifts down there for the first time in decades. 

He swims. The whole time, he expects the flash of Benzaiten's tail beside him, behind him, disappearing around the corner. It's never there.

It hurts. Juno expected it to. But he's more at peace with the pain than he's ever been. 

_I'll be right here when you need me, Super Steel,_ Benzaiten’s voice whispers from memory.

_I know, Benzaiten. I know._

* * *

After Zolotovna's gala, after Juno's apology, he and Nureyev are talking. They keep talking. 

They never really knew each other. They never got the chance. There's – so much about each other that they don't know. Both small and large things. 

Before they jump back into anything – _if_ they jump back into anything, and Juno's going to let Nureyev take the lead on that – they need to work through their relationship. Figure out boundaries, discuss expectations. All the things they _didn't_ do last time. 

Juno is glad they're taking this slow. It gives him time to build up the courage to talk about the alien in the room. He knows he has to say something soon. He isn't sure how. 

He wishes he could just _show_ Nureyev. 

They're going down to Njord, Skadi’s main city, to run a mission. There are files they need to retrieve, leads on people involved with the upper levels of the Board of Fresh Starts.

Njord is a floating city, cut through by canals and opening up to the sea. Assuming the mission goes well, maybe they can stick around for a few days. The Carte Blanche would have to move from Njord to some other city, if only to be safe, but they could all relax in the water. Of course, if the mission doesn't go well, they'll have to bug out. 

He tends to doubt the mission will go well. They don’t have a great track record.

Juno has talked to Rita about the Nureyev situation. She's said she'll back him up however he needs her. She also suggests simply shifting in front of him and then explaining.

“No room for misunderstanding that way, Boss,” Rita said. “Plus you’re really pretty like that. He’ll appreciate it. You should have seen the way he was looking at you in that ball gown—”

“Please stop,” Juno said to her, blushing furiously.

It’s as good as any course of action Juno has come up with. All he has to do is follow through on it.

He pulls Nureyev to the side before they leave for Njord and says, "There's something I want to talk about."

"Right now?" Nureyev asks. 

"No, this – it – I," Juno stutters. Nureyev is starting to look worried. "It's not bad, it's just – I haven't. Told many people. Anyone. Besides Rita. But I want you to know. And we need to – to sit down and talk about it, because we're – you – I want you to know. Okay?"

Nureyev's eyes search his own. "All right," he says, cupping Juno's cheek in one hand. "Tonight?"

"Yeah," Juno says. He swallows. "Yeah, tonight." He leans into Nureyev's touch, then says. "C'mon, we've got a mission. Don't want to be late."

"Of course," Nureyev says. 

* * *

There's a reason Juno always makes sure his apartments have a tub, no matter how small. Trying to shift in shower stalls is _awful_. 

The _Carte Blanche_ doesn't have a tub. Decommissioned entertainment ship or not, it was a small ship. There was only room for showers. It takes nearly two weeks before Juno breaks. He locks the door behind him, gets the shower running, and shifts. 

He leaves the door to the stall open, making sure to tilt the shower head so that less water gets onto the floor outside the stall itself. He has to curl his tail awkwardly, trying to get it all under the spray of water as he sits on the shower floor. He doesn't have much time to enjoy this, so he has to make it count. The crew attempt to keep their showers relatively short. Juno tried to time this so that he would have both hot water, privacy, and no one else would need the shower, but he knows there's still only so long he can stay here. 

Juno hopes they end up on an ocean planet at some point. Maybe they'll have to run a mission near a beach. Juno wants to _swim_. He's off Mars now. There's nothing stopping him. 

He and Benten never thought they'd have an opportunity for swimming anywhere other than the Hyperion sewers. Juno _wants_ , a childhood dream suddenly made possible. 

Of course, if he wants to go swimming without freaking out his crewmates, he would either need to sneak off on his own – or tell them. 

If he's going to tell anyone, though, Nureyev will be first. He's been trying to figure out how to tell him since they started their evening talks. He hasn't come up with a good plan yet. 

Juno's not sure he wants to tell the rest of the _Carte Blanche_ crew, but he wants to tell Nureyev. It's a big part of himself that he's keeping hidden. Nureyev has bared his heart to Juno; Juno wants to offer his back. 

Juno has never _had_ to tell anyone this before. He's kept it secret his whole life. 

By the time Juno shifts back and drags himself out of the shower, he still doesn't have a plan. 

...Maybe he should talk to Rita. 

* * *

Peter waits at their meeting point, in the shadows of a bridge arcing over the canal. He tries not to clutch his comm too tightly. "Anything?" he says into it tersely.

"His comm’s offline," Rita says. The stress makes her voice crack slightly. "I can't – I can't get them to come back. They might be broken, or maybe there's some kind of interference? Even if he's trying to get back in contact with us, Mistah Steel can't—" She breathes out harshly. 

Juno had shouted in pain over the comm, right before it went dead. Rita had managed to pull a snapshot of the scene off a nearby camera, but not much more. Juno was cornered at the edge of one of the canals, several miles away from their rendezvous. And he was injured. 

Peter paces back and forth along the canal's edge. He pauses at the side of the underpass, peering outward toward the streets of Njord. He hates being stuck here; he wants to go to the last place they knew Juno was, because waiting here ineffectually is _not_ the best course of action if they want to find Juno—

Something cold and wet wraps around his ankle. 

Peter doesn't scream. Barely. He has a knife in one hand and is already stabbing downward, but the hand – and it is a hand – has already retracted, drawing back down toward the waters of the canal. Back down to where Juno is clinging to the edge of the canal with one hand, the other moving back in place to hold pressure on his shoulder. 

"Hey, Nureyev," Juno says, grinning weakly. 

"Oh thank God," Peter says. He speaks into his comm, "Rita, I have Juno. We need a getaway, now – he's injured." Then he tucks the comm into a pocket and leans over. "Juno, can you get out of the water?" 

"Might need some help with that," Juno says. The corners of his eye, which seems darker than usual in these shadows, are tight with pain. "Don't know I can get out with just one hand." 

"Do what you can," Peter says. Juno lets go of his shoulder to grab Peter's hand, bracing his wounded arm against the edge of the canal to give himself some extra leverage as Peter pulls. Juno drags himself up onto the side of the canal, onto dry ground. He's breathing quick and shallow, and is fast to clamp a hand back over his wound. 

Peter, halfway to pulling some bandages out of his pockets to make a slapdash compress, freezes. 

"Juno," Peter says, very calmly under the circumstances. "You have a tail."

"Yep," Juno says. 

"Why do you have a tail?" 

"Mom's family was from Europa. A couple generations back," Juno says, like this explains anything. He hisses softly in pain, exposing an instant of too-sharp teeth. "Can we...talk about this later?" 

_There's something I want to talk about,_ Juno said before they left, looking unaccountably nervous. 

_Ah._

"Right," Peter says, shaking off – all of this. He can't help but catalogue the differences, though. Juno's eye hasn't changed, it simply seems deeper now. More natural, set into a face that has a scattering of scales over it. Scales which slide down Juno's throat, around the slits that must be gills, and then under his shirt, until they emerge as a full tail in Juno's lower half. It's a beautiful tail, all things told: shading from a deep blue to a purple so dark it's almost black, matching well with the violet skirt it's poking out from underneath. The scales also decorate Juno's hands, the same scattering as on his face, and there are webs between fingers that are tipped with dark, dangerous claws. 

"You're going to be okay," Peter says. He's leaning most of his weight against the compress. Blasters usually cauterize wounds, but either this hit something or – well, no, Peter knows there's no 'or'. The blood couldn't clot if Juno was moving around in water. It doesn't _matter_ where the bolt hit, because Juno took off with a wound in water. 

Peter can't tell how serious it is. All Juno's usual tells are thrown ever so slightly off. 

"'Course I am," Juno grins at him. "I've got you, don't I?"

"Of course," Peter says, and hopes it isn't a lie. 

Jet pulls up in the Ruby 7 not a moment later, parking and making his way over to them. The original plan had been for Peter and Juno to walk back to the Carte Blanche themselves, but Jet was on standby. Buddy may say it's entertaining when crimes go off the rails, forcing them to adjust on the fly, but she's no fool. She keeps someone in reserve constantly. Peter would dearly like a quiet mission at some point. 

"I do not suppose you can walk," Jet says, looking down at Juno. 

"Kinda...using all my energy up...not bleeding out," Juno says. Now that help is here, it seems as though all the strength he'd been using to cling to consciousness is draining away. 

"Keep pressure on the wound," Jet instructs. Peter nods; it's not as though he was going to do anything else. Jet scoops Juno up in his arms, angling him slightly Peter can do as instructed. Juno's tail drapes over Jet's arms, the long fins nearly brushing the ground. 

It's fortunately a very short trip to the Ruby 7. Peter doesn't fancy having to explain to anyone why they're hauling an injured mermaid into their escape vehicle. 

* * *

Juno escapes the medbay not at all gracefully and goes to hide in his room. He passed out at some point on the way back to the _Carte Blanche,_ Nureyev keeping pressure on his wound. He hadn't had time in the moment to freak out about shifting or the fact that Jet saw him. 

When he woke up and realized he still had a tail – _that_ was when he panicked. 

_Well, at least I figured out how to tell Nureyev,_ he thinks, sitting on his bed rather than pacing like he wants. He was shot in the same shoulder that was already messed up from everything with the THEIA Soul, and it hurts too much to be moving. Making it back to his quarters was hard enough. 

Juno has no idea how to deal with this. Rita had taken it well, but that was _Rita_. She'd known him for years by the time she found out, and Juno had _decided_ he was going to tell Nureyev, but he hadn't made up his mind yet with the rest of the crew. He trusts them enough to be part of the crew, but he'd laid stipulations on coming with them. He doesn't know _anything_ about—

There's a knock on his door. Juno stops breathing. 

"It's me, Boss!" Rita says. 

Juno doesn't move. 

"Boss, are you gonna let me in or do I have to hack your door? 'Cause I will, you know. Well, actually I'm _already_ hacking it–" The door slides open. "–because I know you're not going to let me in." 

"Hi, Rita," Juno says weakly. 

"It's dinnertime, Boss," Rita says. "And Captain Buddy says you're not allowed to skip, on account of you feel well enough to leave the medbay."

Juno groans. He should have known that would immediately come back to bite him. Nonetheless, he says, "I'm not going." 

"Mistah Steel." 

"I'm not hungry," Juno tries. A weaker defense than outright refusal, but true enough. He feels kind of nauseated, actually. 

Rita glares at him.

* * *

Juno is bullied into making an appearance at dinner. Thankfully, no one brings up the mermaid thing. 

He's not sure if it's because of something Buddy said or because of the way Rita is glowering protectively at everyone from her seat on Juno's bad side. 

* * *

Nureyev comes to his room that night, just as they'd agreed. 

"Did you still...?" he starts, hesitating in the doorway. 

"Yeah," Juno says, waving him in. 

"May I make an assumption on what you wanted to discuss?" Nureyev asks drily, sitting next to Juno on the bed. 

Juno lets out a quiet laugh. "I was trying to figure out how to tell you in a less – uh, less traumatizing? Startling? Way than that." He pauses. "I didn't want to spring it on you like that. It's not – I _do_ trust you. You know that, right? I wanted to be the one to tell you, not – not because I was injured, not because of circumstances outside of my control." He sighs. 

"...I'm sorry that choice was taken from you," Nureyev says. "Not only with me, but – with the others." 

"Right." Juno hunches in on himself. They all know. More people than have ever known in Juno's life. It's – terrifying. 

"It doesn't change anything for me," Nureyev says. He lays a hand on top of Juno's. "It was surprising, but you're still the exact same petulant detective –"

"Ex-detective," Juno says automatically.

"– that I'm love with," Nureyev finishes. Juno's gaze snaps to Nureyev. The thief meets his eye steadily.

_Oh._

Juno knows how he feels about Nureyev. He’d known almost two years ago, while hoping Nureyev would come back in time, while locking himself on the wrong side of the door, while walking out of the hotel. He’d never given up that feeling.

He’d wanted to give Nureyev the choice, though. He wanted Nureyev to be the one to decide if they could ever move beyond tentative friends, because Nureyev is the one that Juno hurt.

Nureyev has decided.

Juno draws in a trembling breath. He screws up all his courage and he says, voice wavering over the words, "I – I love you, too, Nureyev." 

Nureyev kisses him. 

* * *

Later, they're curled against each other in Juno's bed. Juno isn't exactly up for more than a slow make-out session, but it's comforting to lie down together. Nureyev cards his hand slowly through Juno's hair as Juno talks. He explains the important bits, the things he wants Nureyev to know about himself. He also explains how Rita knows, and for how long she has. 

"It likely isn't my place to say," Nureyev says, when Juno has gotten out everything he wants, "but I doubt the others will treat you any differently." 

Juno buries his head further into Nureyev's shoulder. "I know," he says. When he's being honest with himself, he knows that's not the type of people they are. They might be criminals, but they're good people. That's why Juno is working with them. 

He wanted to have control over telling them, but – they're not the worst people that could find out. 

* * *

Juno slinks into the kitchen early the next morning. He didn't sleep well. He'd also been hoping to catch Buddy alone. He knows she's an early riser. 

"Hey," he says, shifting his weight from side to side. 

"Good morning, Juno," Buddy says. She's drinking a cup of tea, which she sets down. She hesitates, likely trying to decide where to begin. 

Strangely, that comforts Juno. "Ransom got the files to you, right?" he checks. That was why they'd been on Skadi. "I didn't think to ask last night." Mostly because he hadn't wanted to be at dinner.

"Yes," Buddy says. "Though he was quite distracted by – your injury." 

Oh, boy. Juno had half-convinced himself he wanted an immediate return to normalcy, but this was just dancing around the issue. Sure, sometimes it’s nice for people to ignore what you don’t them paying attention to, but that’s not really an option here.

"And the tail," Juno says. 

"It was certainly unexpected," Buddy says, neutral. 

Juno shrugs. He sits at the kitchen table. He hides his hands in his lap, twisting his fingers together. Then he asks the pressing question. "Am I still on the crew?" 

"Yes," Buddy says, with absolutely no hesitation. "I wish you had informed someone of this, if only for medical reasons, but you are still a member of this family, Juno. We simply…have learned another facet of you." 

"Rita knew," Juno says, letting his fingers untangle. "And it's not like I'm allergic to anything." 

"Allergic, no," Buddy says. "Do you have any dietary restrictions or requirements?" 

"Uh," Juno says. "Protein. I need more than humans generally eat." He brought supplements along with him, the leftovers from his last shopping trip in Hyperion. It's not always feasible to eat meat, even cheap meat, so he learned a long time ago how to make do. 

Buddy nods. "I'll make a note on the shopping list."

"Look, I walk around on two legs most of the time," Juno says. "If you want to just forget this happened—"

"Would you prefer that?" Buddy asks. She seems honestly curious. 

"...I don't know," Juno says. "I don't want things to be...weird." 

"We will all have to adjust," Buddy says frankly. "However, this does nothing to change my opinion of you, Juno, nor your place here. I can't speak for Vespa or Jet, but I am sure they feel the same way." She takes a sip of her tea. "When you say you walk around on two legs _most of the time_..."

"It's harder to concentrate on keeping legs instead of fins when I'm injured," Juno says, somewhat defensive. "And—"

Buddy holds up a hand. "Not what I'm asking," she says. "Juno, how often do you need to change back?" 

Juno squirms. Foolishly, he hadn't thought this would come up in conversation. "I don't _have_ to," he says. 

"Mistah Steel gets grumpy and fidgety when he spends too much time out of the water," Rita says as she walks into the kitchen. 

"Rita!" Juno says, betrayed. 

"Mistah Steel, I ain't going to let you self-sabotage," Rita says severely. "You were prickly for weeks up until yesterday, and I _know_ the showers aren't big enough to fit your tail right." Buddy gets a pinched look on her face when Rita says that.

"But I don't _have to_ ," Juno snaps defensively. 

"If you need a chance to stretch your fins, we'll find a way," Buddy says. "There's a line between comfort and indulgence, Juno; if staying in this form is impacting your quality of living, then _yes_ , we will find a workaround." 

Juno opens his mouth to protest— 

"If nothing else," Buddy continues, merciless. "Allow me to be selfish. I want my crew members at the top of their game."

Juno can grudgingly concede that point, along with Rita's. He gets mean when he feels trapped, and they have work to do. They don't have time to waste on _more_ arguing than usual. 

"Good," Buddy says. 

And that's that. 

More protein makes its way onto the menu. Vespa checks over his shoulder wound and makes notes on what’s normal for Juno. Jet is absolutely unfazed.

Nureyev and Juno continue their late night talks, now interspersed with more kissing.

Life carries on.

* * *

A couple weeks later, they land on Nerthus. They've pulled off a number of successful heists, and Buddy has declared they're going to lay low for a while. It's a good excuse for a short vacation. 

Nerthus is largely a vacation destination. It has copious islands and beautiful beaches. 

Juno stares out at that huge expanse of water. It is endless and open and—

"See you in a bit," Juno says, pulling Nureyev into a kiss. He wades into the water, shifting as soon as he's up to waist. He dives under a wave, then pops back up. He waves at the shore. Rita waves back enthusiastically. 

Juno grins. He dives again, moving away from the beach, into deeper water. It's – beautiful. It's so much better than he could have imagined. No confining walls of the sewers, no bumping his elbows against the edges of a bathtub. Just the water, all around him.

And his family, waiting for him back on the shore, leading him back home. 

**Author's Note:**

> me, local fool: I’ll write a short fic for mermay! it will only be 2-3k long
> 
> yes Skadi/Skathi is a satellite of Saturn, either it’s been terraformed by this point or it’s a different planet. same with Nerthus – technically it’s a minor planet orbiting the sun, but I’m going to pretend it’s somewhere else and busy being an actual planet with oceans and stuff
> 
> a small list of traits I tossed onto Juno:  
> 1\. collapsible lungs / gills (dolphins and whales have these; mermaids need to have lungs and gills so they can breathe in air and water, so obv I went and looked at what real life marine mammals do. dolphins can hold their breath up to 15 minutes and they can replace like 95% of the air in their lungs in a single breath. humans can only do 65%)  
> 2\. tapeta lucida / very little visible sclera (bc mermaids gotta see in dark/murky water. also it’s funny to imagine the jump scares Juno has given people over the course of his life. the “no visible sclera” bit is bc a) it looks cool b) gotta have some sign that he’s not human and he already keeps the tapeta lucida in ‘human’ form so why not the sclera thing too)  
> 3\. pointy teeth / claws (Juno’s a predator – he’s not an obligate carnivore, but he needs a lot more protein than humans do)  
> 4\. webbed fingers (helps mermaids swim)  
> 5\. smell (it didn’t feature much in the fic, but Juno has a heightened sense of smell. like sharks do. possibly part of why he’s so entranced by Nureyev’s scent. also why he can smell it months later)  
> 6\. Juno’s tail isn’t based off any specific fish, I just picked colors I like :)
> 
> buddy is keeping a calm front up but there is definitely at least briefly an internal narration that solely consists of _what the fuck_ at various volumes. vespa can’t believe this _isn’t_ a hallucination. jet has already been indoctrinated by rita’s conspiracy streams so he honestly just rolls with it. life as a space criminal is already so goddamn weird.
> 
> if/when shadows of the ship happens, bot!juno gives itself away not only by calling vespa crazy, but because its eye doesn’t flash when vespa shines a light in it


End file.
